Stooping

Alexis Bledel, I think you’re the cutest and possibly the nicest young actress out there, and I will forever be devoted to you for your work on Gilmore Girls. BUT your new film, POST GRAD (2009), stoops, makes others (like me) stoop, and could be termed “stoopid,” just so I can continue on this stooping theme. Please, young television stars, when making your bumpy transition into “adult” roles in “film,” please try to insert these clauses into your contracts:

1. The title design guy must not be a hack. Varsity letter font?  Pls.

[Insert awesome image here of computer desktop with MySpace, video blog, and chat windows all opening and moving around, main character socially networking with all her apps, expositioning her little heart out—a screen shot of which I would've gotten had I set my camera to the "camera" mode when turning it on.]

2. Do not allow the director to insert a pre-opening credits sequence featuring technology that will make the film appear dated in a matter of months.  Actually, this sequence ALREADY feels dated, given that it was edited together a couple months ago. Also, if you are interested in depicting technology of today, please do not allow director to depict main character job-searching using the classified section of the local newspaper and a red sharpie.

3. Dad character running over the neighbor’s cat and squishing it is NOT comedy. Neither is Michael Keaton burying said dead cat in a pizza box in a too-small hole in the neighbor’s yard. Also, the dad hated the cat in the first place because he stepped in its shit in the middle of the driveway. Did no one on set understand cats? The cat-lady in me does not hesitate to inform those who only know dogs that CATS DO NOT POOP ON DRIVEWAYS. That is, unless the driveway is composed of  loose sand. You out there, with your dunebuggies parked in the garage, you have been warned.